Thursday, July 2, 2015

Amy Schumer talks About Happy Ending Porn Streaming

I like to watch porn. Like what girls in here like porn? Thank you. I love it. All the whores are in the front -- the best. I don't like to watch the end of porn. I don't like to watch the end of any porn. Cause guess what happens at the end of the rainbow, every time? Spoiler alert -- He comes at her face. Oh what amazing choose your own adventure. It always end exactly the same. There's never a twist. Right? Like the guy is having sex with her. He looks on camera and says, "Are you reading that Nicholas Sparks book too? Oh what are the chances? Let's start a bed and breakfast together." No. He just comes on her head. We don't want to see that. Cause we think about that girl, that poor girl. And we know once the director yells cut, she is stumbling like hell, looking for a towel. "Where's the towel? Did you guys go to lunch? This isn't cool. You promise this is good for my skin."

So the guy he is dating, he is so lazy. He is like most dudes. He will not go down on me. I have to become a climber every time you know. Head up there -- just holding on like a nosy neighbor, peeking over the fence. I feel like Wilson from Home Improvement. I'm like, "Hey, Tool-man what's uh..." It's embarrassing up there.

I went on another date with this guy recently. He is really hot, so I pretend to be a good person. I said I love kids like I like pretend wearing a condom. I like to say something fun to bring it up. I'm gonna be honest, "You better want to wear this. I had a busy month. It's like a dish right now. I don't know what's happening.


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