Sunday, February 28, 2016

Back to the Future -- Comedy Material Workout

Today you see them as they are. It's a fact. Take the fact and use it to create another dimension of jokes. We accept today's premise as they are, leaving it as they are, and find your exaggeration somewhere in the future. Use your creativity to go beyond the limit, take it to the limit.

The future is yours to create. Open your imagination to any possibilities. Be inventive, be innovative, be creative, be wild with your imagination. Have fun creating a humorous future.

Traffic may eventually stop, everyone get out of their cars, pave over the whole mess, and start over again.
traffic may eventually get so bad that wealthy people will be born with a silver parking spot in their mouth.
Traffic is getting so congested. Today you have trouble finding a parking spot. Someday you may have trouble finding a moving spot.
Pretty soon you may not be able to pull onto a freeway until somebody dies and lets you have his place.

- today's generation gap
- the greenhouse theory; science says that the earth is getting warmer
- the pollution problem
- salaries of athletes
- the cost of housing
- the skimpiness of bathing suits
- poor workmanship
- adult language in films
- new technology
- sources of energy

Saturday, February 27, 2016

Bending Abstract Ideas -- Comedy Material Workout

Adjectives are adjectives, describing something or someone. How can we make a statement, and deliver the message to the audience. We want the audience to say, "Oh snap! Really?! That bad, huh. Or That good, huh." If the person is lazy, how lazy is the person? If the place stinks, how much stinkiness is it? Any adjective that describes a person, place, or thing must have some kind of degree or level of exaggeration. How nice is the place? How mean is your spouse? How rough was the lawyer to you? How smart or dumb is your friend? How cheap is your parents? You get my point. Let your mind expand on the idea. As long as the concept is intact, within the comprehension, the abstract concept of the adjective, such as how lazy, how cheap, how stupid, etc, can standout, magnifying the point, which will probably, mostly highly, lead to laughter, or at least an "ah" moment.

Examples: How conservative my community?
My community was so conservative...
1. you had to have a prescription to buy a training bra.
2. in the drugstore, Reader's Digest was sold in a plain brown wrapper.
3. in the supermarket, breasts of chicken were labelled, "boobs of chicken."
4. in the display case, all the legs of lamb had to be crossed.
5. when a tourist went into the drugstore to buy condoms, he had to describe them to the pharmacist.

how polite was your date?
how mean was your spouse?
how rough was the nurse to you?
how poor was your family
how rough was your neighborhood?
how much did your coworker kiss up to your boss
how lazy was your friend?

Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Ebola Virus Check on Flight by Trevor Noah

Flying have been particular stressful for me in the recent month -- mostly because of the Ebola crisis. As a South African traveler, flying anywhere in the world has been extremely stressful because of the extra stringent measures that has been placed on us. Flying to America has been particularly worse: extra line, extra checks, and what they consider high risk Ebola region. Apparently is the whole continent. We were coughing on each other on one big hut.

I really don't really blame them. Look, the truth is much of American don't know much about South Africa. Well, they don't know Africa as a whole. Most of them, don't know much about anything. But still... It just weird cause you land in America. The questions that they would ask you at border control is so interesting. You get there, and a man would look at me. As soon as he sees that I'm from South Africa, he would be like, "Sir, South Africa, Have you been in contact with Ebola."

Like my answer would be, "Yes... Next stop. Disney World."

Would I still be traveling if I had been in contact most deadly diseases on the planet. What time of person do you think I am. "Oh, I paid for that trip. I'm going; even if it kills everybody." Like why would I do something like that. And the way they ask as well sound like Ebola was a distance relative of mine like a cousin. "Have you been in contact with Ebola."

"Yeah, I spoke to him last week. He's doing well. Thanks for asking."

It's just a strange world. It was honestly the worst trip that I have ever took. Because what happened... We flew in, so I was flying to Los Angeles. Because of that, we had to stop at Atlanta and change plane. And when we got off of our plane. We went off and got into another plane. And when we did, they made an announcement as we got onto the plane. They told other passengers that we were from the South African Plane. So they would be spraying the cabin for their safety. They say this as we walked on. The air host was like, "Ladies and gentlemen please note we got some passengers joining us from the south African flight. And due to the Ebola crisis right now. We are going to spray the cabin. It shouldn't be too harmful. You can cover your eyes and nose if you think it would harm you. It should be ok. We will be on our way shortly. Thank you very much."

We walked on to that. That's our introduction as we walked on the plane. I was walking, "Hello." It was like a scene from Forest Gump. Everyone was like, "Can't sit here." It was honestly the worst flight I have ever taken in my life. It was so tense.

I coughed once. The plane shook. There this one guy that couldn't even hold his. I couldn't even hold it any longer. He was like Ebola. Calm down. Calm down. It's just Aids. You are safe for now.

The stress. Everybody. We landed. Finally. Los Angeles. Still we had to disembark. The air host came back to make another announcement, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please stay in your seats. Before we disembark the plane, we have to do a quick safety procedure for checking out. Just to make sure everything is up to standard. We should be on our way shortly. Thank you very much."

So we had to sit there. The safety official came aboard on the plane. His job was to go around and scan each passenger; make sure everybody was healthy. He had a laser thermometer. He had to go to each African and pointed at our heads. And they way it works is if you are very hot, then you got Ebola. That's what I think how it works. He came down to my row. Walked all the way to me. Scan the people around me. Saw me. Just shook his head. Then walked away. Almost like I was not African enough. A few rows later he was short one name on the list, which was mine. So he called the air host over. There is this commotion, and it's growing. It's growing and growing. And now I think they are talking about me. But I won't be the guy, "Excuse me, I am the... the Ebola threat." I'm not going to say that.

So I'm just listening. The commotion is growing. The whole plane start listening. And at it's height, there was a man, three down rows behind us, middle eastern decent. He had a big beard. I would never forget this. He leaned in into the conversation with no hint of irony. He just leaned in, "Excuse me, pardon me. You probably want to check that gentlemen over there. Something suspicious about him. I notice him coughing."

I was like really?! Ach too Admin. How the wheel has turned my friend. You forget the time when the Muslim was the black people of the skies. Now you have turned on me. I thought he would be on my side.

Friday, February 19, 2016

Why NFL football teams should only Draft Players According to their Team Name by Greg Fitz Simmons

Football season is a little scandalous this year. A lot crazy stuff going on. Washington Redskin -- Should they able to call themselves the Redskins? I don't know. Yes? Some people say no? I think they should be able to. But, but, they can only draft actual Native Americans to play for the team. Think about that. That would be a bad ass football team. Just imagine 11 screaming Navato, coming down the field. And they would have the best defense in the league because they are not giving up any more territory.

That's right. But that's what it should be. Whatever your team says they are... That's what they have to be. If you are the San Francisco 49ers, your entire team should be forty niner year old men. That's it. Just in the huddle, complaining about hemaroid and bad backs, losing every sunday.

The team like the Vikings, real vikings -- horns coming out of their helmets. Come out and rap all the cheerleaders because they are vikings... Bucaneers would come out, with eye patch, and rap all the cheerleaders. Oakland Raiders... It would be a lot of rapping.

They should be what they say. Chicago Bears should come out with real bears with helmets on, playing against 11 dolphins... just dead on the field by halftime.

Why is it that Native Americans are upset about the Redskins? You don't hear African Americans complaining about the Cleveland Browns.