Friday, July 17, 2015

Bobby Lee Addicted to Vicodin True Story on Mad TV


I used to be on a show called madtv. It was kind of like SNL but for Mexicans. 12 Mexicans watched that show. So if you are a fan, "Hola, Que Tal." So uhm I was really excited to get booked on a TV show cause I'm a fat ethnic guy, right? I don't think that can happen. So uh..Maybe I can get laid. Who knows... You know... So I show up at MadTV, and they didn't use me at all. I play like Chinese waiter number 2. They gave me one word to say -- like, "Hello." Cut. Bobby, you are a wrap. Thank you so much. "I want to kill myself."

So over the months, I developed a eating disorder. I couldn't stop eating Vicodin. That shit is delicious. I started like 5 a day, right? I eventually took 40 a day, and I'm a small dude. The reason why it didn't kill me because Asians have evolved. We have a stronger core than all of you. And we're smarter. I never met a guy with syndrome, but if I did i bet you money he is smarter than the average white guy. Instead of straight As, he gets straight Bs. He only knows one instrument. 40 a day, and uh you know it's a disease. It got worst and worst. We would do table reads from 9 in the morning on Fox. I would be in a strip club in tequana -- like on stage dancing.

So after two years of this, I was like crazy, right. So they gave me an intervention, which was nice. They were nice good people, right? So I sat in the office, and said, "You have been doing too many drugs. And we want you to stop. And we will give you one more shot. And we wrote you a Connie Chung sketch. Can you do it?" I was like, "Heck yah. I'm going to heck a do it."

So that was on a Wednesday. And on Thursday, a comedian, name Donkin Trustaleader, came to my house. Yeah, he is very talented. He took all my Vicodin, and just ran away. What a butt-hole. So I was fine about 5 minutes. Then all of a sudden I got the shakes for hours -- just like...

So on Friday I showed up shaking. But in front of the producers, I am fine. My face completely fine cause I'm a good actor. Would you not a agree? So I am in make up. So I'm sitting in make up. And I'm sweating so bad. The Connie Chung make up is dripping down my face. So I am sitting there and all of a sudden I hear a noise inside of my stomach. It went like this, "quackle quackle." And I told the make up, "No. No. Yeah, I just ate a banana. I'm really hungry." But it was really the Vicodin. So uh... I showed up on stage -- 400 people. I'm sitting there with the Connie Chung. I have 3 pages of dialogue that I was suppose to memorize. I knew six words. So I hear this, "5, 4, 3, 2, 1, action." I said, "Good evening, I'm Connie Chung." And then I shit in my pants -- down to my stocking. The audience went, "uhhhhhhhh..." Which what you do when somebody shit in their pants. I knew right then and there my career was over. For one night it was over -- Ten year of hard work.

I was fine with it because I wanted to get sober. The producer came up said, "Pack your stuff." So i went to the dressing room. I packed all my stuff. I was literally crying. I was so sick guys. I was about to die. Then I went to rehab the next day. Then a couple of months later, they found out I was sober. So they hired me back. I stayed on the show for 6 more years.

1 comment:

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