Thursday, July 15, 2010

Tammy Pescatelli talks about The Playboy Mansion Party Charity Event

I did this thing at the charity show for the Playboy Foundation. I don't know what their charity is. Thirteen year old boys who goes blind for reading a magazine. I don't know.

I go to this party. I don't fit in. I'm not very girlie. These girls are size double zero. I mean they are beautiful, but they are mean (because they are hungry).

I'm just a girl from the neighborhood. You know who's there? That Paris Hilton girl. Oh I'm proud of her. She's breaking down barriers. Proof you don't have to be poor to be white trash.

Somebody needs to say this stuff. You don't have to be perfect. What's going on woman. You can't be. This girl came up to me, "Uhm. Excuse me. Who did your boobs?"

I go, "God..."

She goes, "Where's his office?"

I go, "Jerusalem. Now get away from me. Don't you think I had that kind of money. I had my nose fix first. What's wrong with you."

It's just fun for me. I don't know what I was doing at the stupid party. I drank a little bit too much. When women get drunk, they have to announce it, "I'm drunk whooooo! Hi five. Hi five."

And in that second, every guys head goes, "whooof!" Ding, ding, ding. We got a winner. Cause for men it's like watching the Discovery Channel. They wait for the weak one to fall off of the heard.

You know who else is there at that stupid party? Donald Trump. His hair is so bad that it would be less distracting if we had a hairy midget to sit on his head.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Pete Holmes figures out Nonfiction
Pete Holmes - Not Non-True
Futurama New EpisodesIt's Always Sunny in PhiladelphiaRussell Simmon Stand-Up Comedy

I want to get this out of the way. I am a dummy. See that. That's my dummy face.

I give you an example. Every time I am in the library or a bookstore and I see the phrase nonfiction, I have to figure it out (in my head).

Let's be clear. I'm 30. I went to college. I finished.

I see nonfiction. I freeze like, "Nonfiction. Fiction. Not True. Nonfiction. Not non true. Double not truth. Not. Not open parentheses. Not true. Screw that. I'm reading Hustler. That's both at the same time, true and false."