Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Ryan Hamilton describes Tinder App Dating on Late Late Show with Drew Carey


I'm from Idaho. And uh I look like where I am from. Don't I. You don't look at me right away, and go, "That guy is from Idaho, but when I said it out loud. It makes sense." I live in New York City Now. It's a great city. There's a little attitude. I mean. New Yorkers say stuff like uh, "If you can make it here, you can make it anywhere." -- The audacity of that statement. I mean the assumption that you have to jump to, right? I'm from a town of a thousand people in Idaho. And I don't think New Yorkers could make it there. "What happened?"

"I don't know. He wandered off looking for gluten free cupcakes and uh... 3 days later. We found a body. Turns out he can't make it here."

Maybe New York City is the easiest place to make it. You are going to get lost. Sure. You can pop out of the subway, and go, "Oh the street has numbers. I see six delis. I think I'm gonna make it. I made it."

A lot of people in New York city -- It's difficult to meet someone. People can meet on the internet now. You know. Nobody wants to talk about it. It's very taboo. There are people now looking straight ahead going, "Please drop this topic." But you know I know solid couples meet on the internet. If you ask them, "how did you meet." This is what happens. Women goes, "We met on the internet. Like they are a little quicker to get there. Then the men say, "Please stop telling people that." Now I think because the attitude is different. When women get on the internet to find someone, I feel the attitude is "I'm just exploring my options." When a man gets on the internet to find someone, do you know what the attitude is? "I have exhausted all my options. There is nowhere else to go. Let's search the universe because that's all it's left. It's just a hail Mary pass into the ether, "Someone please catch that." I don't know.

But all my friends now are on this location based dating apps like tindr. Do you know that. We all have a device that just constantly broadcast our location. So here is what dating has become in the modern world, "Who is right here right now." Right? It's like we're hunting a fugitive on the run or something you know, "7 to 10 miles perimeter. Close all the roads. She has a 5 miles head start. Move. Move. Move." It's like who are you interested in? Everyone within a hundred yard radius, basically. Uhm.

I'm not really into long distance relationships. You know. It's just nothing substantial about it to me. Yeah, it's real people -- yes with feelings and emotions. But through your life so quickly. It's like, "No. No. No." Who are you? What kind of power do you think you wheeled? Are you a sixteenth century king, you know. "No. No. No. Not good enough. Off with her head. Next. Next. Maybe. No." That's who we'd become. You know.

I don't know how people feel anymore. I want to know how people feel -- constantly guessing. We all have this ability to interpret expressions. There's nuance. You just send out a smiley face, and go, "That should cover it." Little salsa dancing girl -- I think I made my point. You know. Every time I send out a smiley face, there's a voice behind my head that goes, "You're not the man anymore. I thought you were a man." I sent a smiley face to another man. I hate myself for 10 days. I get a smiley face back from that man -- I collapse. I don't know what to do. Right?

We ruined exclamation points. There finished. People send to many -- 4, 6, 8 exclamation points. It's not unheard of. Everybody. 1 means excitement. It's not a scale. It's just one. If I send one exclamation point, people gonna go, "Is this sarcasm? I don't know what this is." Little things that have too much meaning. Right? A period in the wrong place -- It ruins my day. You know. "You want to go to dinner?" No period. Ouch. I get it. I get it. We are not going to dinner. Let me say. Your period is unnecessary and hurting my feelings. I don't need it in my life. There's enough finality in no. I don't need it.

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