Best stage comedians at their funniest with punchlines all typed out for your enjoyment to read from richard pryor to louis c.k. and upcoming comedians with Youtube videos (monologue script)
Tuesday, January 5, 2016
Step on Lego Pain How it feels in the brain
I can't hit my kids. I am not going to do it. It only teaches them how to lie. Don't put fear in them. But last week, I stepped on a lego barefoot. I almost murdered my whole family. Almost killed them all. Family anilihotor. Start a new life. I would have kept the beer. Have you ever stepped on a lego on a barefoot? Did you ever do it? It would make you reevaluate your life choices. Everything you held sacred about your life, out the window. Because you are just an innocent by stander. You are walking around your own house. You don't know. Barefeet. Bam. The pain starts here, and travels quickly to your brain. Your brain goes, "What the F is this." It does not know how to compute the pain. Wires shooting off smoke. That's not the worst of it. Now you are jumping up and down. That's not the pain what you have to look for. Let me tell you something. Legos. Legos are like cockroaches. When you see 1, there's 10 more hiding out in the shadows. You don't even know they are there. Now you are hopping up and down on one leg. Then all your weight lands on top of that second lego. Your brain is like, "Shut this system down." I hit the floor crying with tears, streaming down my face.