Jim Gaffigan Weddings are Expensive and Weird Transition from Girls as Property to Princess Where Magic Exist

At times I feel like I'm trying to get fat. Last time I was eating a pint of ice cream, and I finished it cause I am American, alright. I took off the lid, and threw it away cause I'm not a quitter, everyone. And -- cause I care for the environment. I was conserving energy by not freezing. Your welcome. Of course it was at night. Have you ever eat ice cream during the day? What are we? 6 years old? We just got our tonsils out? Why are there people around me? Shouldn't I be alone, watching lifetime? "Those hoarders. Those are the people with problems." I always eat ice cream with sweatpants like a man.

My wife came into the room, "Jim, are you going to eat the entire pint of ice cream by yourself?"

I said, "Hopefully. Unless you selfishly want a bite."

"Jim, you have a 9 year old daughter. Don't you want to be at her wedding?"

"Not really. No. What, do you think there's going to be ice cream at her wedding? Cause if you promise... I still don't want to go."

How is attending a wedding... Why would that be an incentive?

"Don't you die! In 18 years there's going to be awkward party that you have to pay for. We need you to write a check."

No I understand weddings, and why it is important event where we spend a lot of money where a bride can pretend to be a -- princess. And marry her prince. And live happily forever after because magic exist.

We are a bunch of weirdos. Weddings are kind of weird. What's the logic? Well, we love each other. Why don't we pretend we have a kingdom. We will invite your parent's friends and my parent's friends. Then we will have a banquet. And two kingdoms will come together as one. We can start our married life in a total fantasy before we go on a completely unjustified vacation.

It's strange right? Weddings started as a crude, mid-evil ceremony where women's daughters exchange as properties. In the course of centuries, it has gotten worse. That's why people cry at weddings. "I can't still believe we are wasting money on this." Whenever i see somebody crying at a wedding, I say, "Don't worry. It probably won't work out."