Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Wanda Sykes Painful Bikini Wax Front and Butt Crack Boobs

I changed some things. I try to make some adjustments. I try to change some things. You know -- Like I tried to get waxed. Yeah, I tried waxing for the first time. Yeah, and my friend she has a spa. She runs it out of here house. I want to support her, so I want to get the whole spa package. And you know part of it is a bikini wax. Yeah, so I said OK I can give it a shot. I try. Yeah, you know.

She said, “Wanda, it’s going to hurt a little bit.” I was like, “I’m tough. I can handle that stuff.” So she put the wax on there, put the tape on there, “poof.” I smacked the crap out of here. You hear me. “Whoop! Poof! What the crap is wrong with you? Crap! Is this what you do? Sit up in your house and snatched hair off of people all day?” This is some sick crap. And then she starts smacking it. I’m like, “ouch, ouch, girl, ouch, what are you doing?” She’s like, “that takes the sting away.” I said, “no that freaking hurts.” How would you like if I stabbed you, and stuck my finger in the hole, “Oooo, doesn't that feel better? Soothing, huh?” Oooo I was mad.

And then I had to let her finish. You know. I had to let her even it out. I couldn't have one side waxed, and one side wavy. That crap doesn't match. It would feel like somebody is in my pants. I’m like, “How you doing?” Ooo that hurts. And then it got worst. I thought she was finished, and then she goes, “turn over.” I was like, “excuse me.” She’s like, “turn over. I gotta get the backside – get your butt.”

I’m like, “my butt? Ooo. That won’t be necessary.” Nothing goes on back there. Beside I like it to look like that cause it scares people away. I gotta make them think I got a dog chained up back there. They get closer. I even growl a little bit, “Rarrrr.” She was like, “Roll over fool. Come on. Come on.” She said, “it won’t hurt that much.”

OK. What the hell. A little change why not. So I turned over. She put the wax in there. Put the tape in there. Poof. Everything went white. And a little bit of pee came out. And I passed out. But I wasn't out long. Cause when I woke up, she was still standing there, holding that thing. And she goes, “Are you OK Wanda?” I was like, “Uh, I think you just ripped out my butthole.” You just ripped out my butthole. Why would you do that? Don’t throw that one. I need that back. Some sick stuff. I never felt pain like that before.

That kind of pain should only happen in the wild somewhere. It shouldn't be happen to humans. You know when you watch those nature shows. And then you see the lion stalking the wilder beast with that initial bite that seems so painful. That’s what it felt like. I picture my butthole running across the Sierra. I’m like, “Run butt-hole. Run butt-hole, run. Come on butthole. Ah.” Hot lion teeth on my butthole. That’s what it felt like.” Crap, I got a techno shot when I got out there.

 So I’m get my stuff together. You know getting ready to leave. I’m getting dress. She was like, ”wait a minute. You’re not finished. “ I’m like, “What?” She goes, “I gotta do your facial.” I’m like, ”my facial? Not when you've been digging around my butt. “ I don’t want your hand and butt touching my face. You don’t go ass to face. You go clean to dirty.

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