Monday, September 1, 2014

Long Hair Nick Guerra Mistaken for A Drunkin Girl at the Club which Aggravates him Like Chiwawa

What's up? How you guys doing? Alright! Yeah! We're going to have some fun.

So I get hit on by a lot of lesbians, alright. I know man. It sucks. That's why I don't drink. I can't get drunk with this silky hair, and enjoy it. You know. I can't have my back turn at the bar just standing there like, "Oh my god. I love this song. Oh wow. This is great. Yeah."

Guys come up to me, "What's up baby?"

"Hey bro. Stop that. We came together. This is weird."

I know my hair is long. I know exactly when it gets long. It's when people start mistaken me for celebrities. They like, "Hey you look like somebody famous."

I'm like, "Who? Johnny Depp?"

Like, "No. The girl from Juno."

Really? I know. Somebody told me I look like blanket. What do you say to that?

I'm like, "Really? Blanket? Blanket Jackson? What do I, 'hee hee.'"

I don't know what to say. I'm like, "I'm a man." That's it. That's all I did. That's as violent as I get. I'm 5-5 ok. We don't get violent for short people. We don't. We get aggravated, but not violent. We are like chiwawas. You know. We're like, "screw you. Screw you. Puppy Power." That's how we are.

Short chicks are the worst - Short chicks, biggest smack talkers ever. Any girl 5-5 and under, "What's up! I'm a boss. What's up." With their big eyelashes, "What's up. You want to fight,  huh?" When they get drunk, it's like down here, "Come on. Let's fight." come on hold my heels, "Come on. Let's do it. Come on. I'm right here." Tiny aggravated people man. That's how we are man.

I'm getting more aggravated. I'm 29, right. I'm getting older. I know I'm getting uncool. Cause I don't like music anymore. I can't stand music. Music is so bad. There's no more good love songs anymore. You get all these kids, trying write about love. Justin Bieber trying to write about love. Really?! He has half a nut in his rectum. He doesn't know what he's talking about. It's still up there. You can't write about love until you know about love. And you don't know about love until  you have that first pregnancy scare. You know what I'm saying. That's when you know. I'm going to say this.

Guys, it's our fault. Ok, we got to take care of that, alright. Cause we don't do anything else in the bedroom. We don't, alright. News flash - none of us are sexy. We aren't. We try to be, but we look stupid, okay.

No comments:

Post a Comment