Pete Holmes sleeps with Ray Romano and dreams about Bedtime Funny Facts and Ideas

I should have went to Disneyland.

Ever since I was a kid, I always wanted to work with Ray Romano. Is it weird that this is exactly how I pictured it?

Well, what's weird is I had this dream before. I wake up, turn over, and see what I would look like if I was a lesbian.

Kangaroos hold baby kangaroos in their pouch. But What if there was even a smaller kangaroo in the baby's kangaroo pouch? How far does it go?

I wonder if i can beat up Brad Garrett He's about half a foot taller than me. But Come on... that goofy bastard would never see it coming.

Why do they call it a bathroom when all it needs to have is a toilet? Should I be taking a bath in my toilet?

I killed a spider in my house the other day. I didn't have to kill it, but he saw me masturbating. Funny. Funny cause it's true.

People are complaining that barbie is too skinny. But she probably does not eat very much because she does not have a butt hole.

The show is called Everybody Loves Raymond, but isn't more important that Raymond Loves Raymond.

Thank you Ray Romano everybody.