Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Bill Burr Disses Steve Jobs as Hero because Apple Tech Garbage Pollutes into the Ocean with Sea Life

Actually nerd Jesus died last year, right? - Steve jobs. Yeah, he died, right? I know. I know. Lot of nerds are here tonight. I know. You are sad. I didn't get it. I didn't get the big deal made about that guy. When he died, they're like, "He changed the world." That's insane. "He changed the world! The world was one way! And then Steve Jobs came, and it was another!" What did he do? Somebody, for the love of god. What the freak did that guy do? What he do? He told other people what to invent. "I want my entire music collection in that phone. Get on it!" Right? Then these poor nameless faces scientists gotta go into the back room, and figure it out. "How the freak we are going to get all of this into this? I mean. What year is this guy think it is? This guy is crazy. This is like Buck Rogers. Dude, my kid has a birthday like in 11 months."

Steve Jobs just walking by, "I don't want to hear any thinking going on in there." He be strutting around the office, eating some pretentious fruit like a pear, right? Just throwing out ideas. "I have another one. Here's another one I just came up with on the way to work. I was reading a magazine the other day, turning pages. You know. I like to turn pages on the screen that aren't even there. Yeah, wrap your freaking head on that one guys. See you in 8 years. Where are going Michael - big, little, big little. Get on it."

Right? Then all these people slave away to make his vision come true, and then they have the big nerd fest, right --down there in comic con. Then all the nerd mecca -- they are all showing their acne and their hulk shirts, limping in the arena, right? Does Steve jobs go out in a whole chorus line of scientists? Naw, he goes out there by himself -- sneakers with no belt like it's no biggie. Like he's Tesla, tapping in the atmosphere.

I know. This is always uncomfortable. I know. You bought into it, right. That whole advertising. How they align themselves with the greatest people of all time. Jesus, Gandhi, me. Remember that? Mohammad Ali, John Lennon, this guys... How the freak was that dude like any of them? Gandhi didn't have a sweatshop. Nah, he didn't have people leaping to there deaths only to get... catch a net and get ricochet back to the window to have to put together yet another iPad. John Lennon didn't have children in his basement, pressing those freaking albums.

I know. I know. New phone can't fit the old charger. This is your hero? This is the guy? This is what all the silence is all about. New phone can't fit the old charger, so you gots to throw it out. It ends up in the ocean around some octopus's neck. Do you realize how much sea life is ecstatic that that man no longer walking the earth.

That's where it all ends up. You know. It doesn't go to landfill. It all goes into the ocean. Do you guys realize that? I hate people say that they don't pollute. "I don't pollute." Yeah, you do. You use shit, and you throw it out. What? Do you think you put it in the basket it poofs, disappear? Everything you ever use goes somewhere. Do you ever think about that? Remember that flannel shirt that you bought back in the day when you got into Pearl Jam? That is out there somewhere. Probably on some corpse's face, trying to get it off. Stupid little flippers.

All the fads. Do you remember rollerblading? Remember that? Everybody had them. We set up cones. We did little tricks, right? What little homophobic joke killed that entire fad. What's the hardest thing about rollerblading? "Uhm... telling your parents that you're gay." Full grown adults going, "I'm not gay. I don't have the cuties. These mean I suck dick." So they just threw them out. They end up in the ocean. They made out of plastic. They can't biodegrade. They just break down into little cubes. Fishes are breathing them in. 6 months later, you going out for sushi. You thinking you being healthy. You're eating your own roller-blades.

1 comment: