Ali Wong Talks about Sleeping in Bed in her 20s * Do not get Married and fall for the trap *

And then a lot of people, also wonder, “Ali now that you have a daughter. Are you going to tone it down?”

Here’s the thing. Just because you became a parent doesn’t mean you grew up. 

Yeah, bro dudes becomes bro dads. I am the same piece of sh** that I always was, before I became a mom. Now just with more responsibilities, and barely rising to the occasions. And I’m not a shamed. I’m not gonna hide that I was very sexual active in my 20s. You know why because everybody knows the secret now… that now a woman sleeps with a man, right away. It’s not because we don’t respect ourselves. It’s because we don’t respect you. 

We don’t see you as marriage material. That’s why we let your d*** inside so fast. By letting you in… We are really kicking you out of our future. Bye Felicia. Be on your marry little way. We are just trying to have fun, not trap your a**.

But… but you better be careful because when a man… when a man doesn’t sleep with you right away. Oh. oh… it’s not because he respects you. It’s because he has a small d***.  And he is trying to trap you… 

Do not fault for that trap… I am going to repeat that sh** to my daughter over, and over, and over, again. Do not fault for that trap. I felt for that sh** once.  I fell in love and went in a semi long term relationship with a man who kept on wanting to wait to have s**.  I assume it because he thought that I was so special and amazing, and worth waiting for. 

He was hiding something. Months later… he finally agrees to get busy.  And unveils this tiny mess of a thing that would not even reach your boulders.  It was a black dude. Creepy right? It’s like seeing a homeless asian person.

“What, what happen to you? Oh my gosh. Who are your parents?”

It was a black dude, and I told all my black friends about it. And they were like, “Where the f*** is he at? We need to assassinate him right now. Before he tarnish our sacred reputation.” 

It was the first and last time that I had ever seen a micro p****.  And my honest first reaction, when I saw it, was, “Oh my gawd. Are you ok? What happen did you get hit by a bus.”