Sebastian Maniscalco from First Dates to Marriage, From Good to Bad, Is it worth it?

First date is the big date, right? A lot of deal breakers is going on, on the first date.  I watch how a woman eats.  This is a huge deal breaker for me, okay.  I took a girl for Italian food. She ate everything on the plate. I got no problem with that. Then she took a piece of bread, and did a sponge job.  My father does that during the holidays.  You might want to wait until we fall in love, until start mopping up sauce. 

Another big deal breaker for me: When I go to a girl’s house for the first time, ladies be prepare for the come over, okay.  Have some options for me.  You come to my place.  I’m ready.  It’s like a hotel.  As soon as we walk in, I turn around, “Do you want a little Diet Coke? Apple Juice? Wine? What do you want?” I got oregano.  Nobody gots oregano. Throw that to a chick, “Do you want a glass of oregano?”

“You have oregano?”

“Yeah I got it.  Sit down.”

This girl had nothing.  We walked in. She turned around. She was like, “Do you want some water or something like that?”

Water? I get that out of the hose. 

One night at this girl’s house, she had a little scotch. 

“You know. Put that on the rocks.”

She brought it out. I went to take a sip. I smelled the ice cubes.  The ice cubes smells like the freezer. Like, what is this? Johnny Walker and mix vegetables? Change out your cubes.  Every 3 days I breaking ice at my house, fresh. 

But at the beginning everything is fantastic. When you start dating, the first couple of month everything is adorable, right? Flirt with each other… she might be making a salad in the kitchen. She might have a broccoli hanging off of her head.  It’s the cutest thing you have ever seen. Right? You walking in, and you like, “baby. You got a piece of broccoli hanging off your head.”

She flirts right back. She’s like, “Aweeee. Sorry.” 

You get married with a couple of kids. That shit ain’t funny anymore. Little things start pissing you off about the person.  Just every day movement can set you off, right? Just watching them brush your teeth in the morning, right? You sit there looking in the mirror, “Oh, look at this crap. I hate you.” 

You might find someone you love.  You might want to settle down. Start a family. Have some kids. When it comes to raising kids, do you know what culture got it down to a science? The Japanese people: Any Japanese people here tonight? See. That’s why I like that Japanese people. There’s one person, faint clap.  I like them because Japanese people are quiet.  They don’t say nothing. Have you ever seen a Japanese at a restaurant. Their kids are trained. They sit like a soldier at a 90 degrees angle.