Wednesday, May 11, 2016

The Best Way to get More Quality Tinder Tindr Dates by Liz Miele


There is too much internet. There's all these new dating websites. There just funny at this point. They are not even helpful. It's kind of ridiculous. The new one is called tindr or tinder.

You guys know what tinder is? I would love to tell an old man what tinder is... It would bring me joy. Even if you don't understand any of it. I know you would be prolly upset, holding your grandchildren like, "I'm so sorry. This is what you have to do in life." I just had to buy a girl a Popsicle and that was your wife. Well, that is how it use to be. Now there's made up words and apps and stuff.

This is what tinder is sir... Tinder, all it is, is an app on the smartphone. I don't know if you know what an app is... Then you are already lost. All it is...is a face, name, and an age. Alright. So face, Jason, 30. That's it. From that information, you are either interested in Jason face or you are not into his face. You prolly not. So you press that X in the corner. It goes no across his face, and he flutters away.

Not going to freak that guy, not gonna freak that guy, not gonna freak that guy. No, not gonna freak that guy. Just that for 20 minutes. I'm like, "Oh my gosh. This is so fun. I'm amazing at dating. Really. It's like the Angry Birds of dating. It's an addiction that cannot be justify. It can't really be a dating tool. It's too fun to be a dating tool. There is actually another step. And if you are really into Jason face, there is a heart. You press the heart. If he also presses the heart, it opens up into a chat room. Then you just start talking... We are all ok with this.

All I know for sure is that this dude has a nose, and now we are talking. Sorry that is not enough information for me. I have preliminary questions. Question number 1: Do you have a job? I don't have a job. If you also don't have a job, it's like eye contact for 3 days -- fast relationship. You need to be busy for us -- for our future. Question number 2: I need to know if you are uber religious. I'm so nonreligious. I don't want to go into any big building or read any big books. If you prayed for anything like a parking spot for the last 6 years, I'm not into it. Not going to work out. Question number 3: I need to know if you live in long island. I live in Brooklyn. I don't care how hot you are. I'm not going to long island. At this point, if you don't live at least 5 blocks from my apartment, I don't know if we can even be friends.

2 comments:

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