How to treat a Nerd at work by Dane Cook

There's always that one creepy person somewhere in your life. I guarantee it. That's just when you were little. Then when you finally grow up, nee nee nee. That is the sound of growing up. Even now, at your job, there's a freak. There's a weird guy at every job that make you concern whenever he is around. And the strange thing about it. It's the same guy at every single job you go to. Right? He's there. You quit. Then you go to the new job, and you are like, "Oh my gosh. Is that the same guy from the other job? That's the guy -- The scary guy. Why am I talking at such a high voice. It's ridiculous. It makes no sense."

I can describe the guy. I can tell you right now. I can list all the features of this guy. First of all, he is not a fat guy. You would not say he is fat. He is shapes. He is like an amoeba. He has a different consistency like a lava lamp type of individual. He walks around very slow. He got this perfect orb, front butt right here. "What is that? It's perfect." It's like he has a botanical garden, and he growing potatoes on his tats. "What is that?" You want to see it, but you don't. You want to see, but you are awesome.

Nobody talks to that guy. He got those Blu blockers glasses on. You never sees his eyes. He gots the pocket with the jubilee of pens, coming out there. Just in case he has to write a lot. And nobody talks to that guy.

And if you were in the break room with a couple of friends and you see him coming morphing in out of your periphery, second he comes in, they like "Do you guys want to get the freak out of the break room? What do you guys want to do? Let's go up on the roof and break dance. Let's just go behind the vending machine. Can someone pull the vending machine, so I can go behind here? Move the machine please. Please."

Nobody talks to that guy. Let me tell you something. Any job that I had in my life. I talk to that guy. I would talk to him. I would find him on purpose. I would have little chit chats with him. I will be interested, I would be like, "By the way, here's a Snickers. It's for you. Peanuts and caramel. Put that in your mouth. Enjoy that."

You know why I talk to that guy. On that day finally comes, when he snaps, and comes to work with a shotgun, walking in the hall, "Pow. Pow. Pow." When he finally gets to my office, he'll be like, "Thanks for the candy."

Pow, Pow, Pow.

You laugh now, but you know Monday morning, you'll be like, "Hey, Marcus. How's your weekend. What did you do? Here, I bought some pens for your crazy pocket. I know you love pens. I love pens too. We should talk about pens some day. Inks, pens, caps, I love them.