Thursday, May 26, 2016

Roasting David Hasselhoff, Pamela Anderson with Genie and Lamp Rubs by Gilbert Gottfried

Seth McFarlin. Come on everyone. Take it easy on Seth. It's gotta be hard for him to do a roast, especially because the Simpsons haven't done it yet. If only the Simpsons were wiping it's ass in front of Seth McFarlin, he can learn to do it too. But sadly Seth McFarlin's bulky ass is caked in layers of unwiped excrementing shame because the simpsons haven't done it yet.

Lisa Lampernitie. I saw lisa had a little trouble choosing what to wear this evening. She couldn't decide between the honey glaze or the pinapple slices. Lisa, I do have on question. Where are all those black guys you claim to be having sex with. Do you really think that this day in age there is a single black guy who would be caught dead inside anyone who is the size of a slave ship. Actually, Lisa has an important role in African American history. It turns out the last black man to pick cotton was yanking out her tampons.

Here's a joke. Pamela Anderson is walking on the beach. She stumbles upon a magic lamp. She rubs a lamp, and genie pops out. And the genie says, "I'm here to grant you one wish." Pam says, "I want you to make VIP the hit show it should have been." The genie says, "Even with all my powers I can't do that. Can I grant you a different wish?" So Pam says, "Ok, Can you make my vagina tight again?" And the genie says, "Let me take another look at VIP."

David Hasselhoff walks into a bar. Every morning and stays there until it closes. You know. I always heard that David Hasselhoff has sold millions in Germany. But like alot stories that are from Germany, those numbers are probably inflated if not a complete hoax. David Hasselhoff is running on the beach in slow motion. He stumbles upon a magic lamp. He rubs the lamp. A genie pops out. And says, "I'm here to grant you one wish." David says, "Can you make Baywatch Nights the hit show it should have been?" The genie says, "I've seen Baywatch Nights, and even with all my powers I can't make that show go any good. You have to pick a different wish." So David thinks and says, "Can you make Pamela Anderson's Vagina tight again?" The genie says, "No, no, a thousand times, NO. There's nothing that can be done about Pamela Anderson's vagina. Then David Hasselhoff says, "Ok, can you make me a great singer?" So the genie's thinks and goes, "Alekazam, you are a great singer." David Hasselhoff immediately embarks in a singing tour. And the genie laughs his ass off. He goes, "Oh my gawd, look at that David Hasselhoff, thinking he can sing. What an asshole."

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