Russell Peters anticipates Chinese Comedian in Hong Kong and Indian Accents different usages

You know what really upset me when I went to Hong Kong. Where ever you go and perform, where ever I go they have local comedians open the show for us. South Africa -- They have South African. I go to England. They have an English comedian. I went to Hong Kong. I kept picturing in my head, a Chinese comedian. I get there -- no Chinese comedian. I was so upset. I keep on picturing a Chinese guy comedian. A little Chinese brother coming out, opening the store, "Hey, hey. Excuse me. Your mother so fat. Da when she jumps, jumping for joy, she got stuck. Oh, OK. thank you." Didn't happen. Didn't happen, very upsetting.

I am going to let out a secret about Indian people. For all the people here, for all the people watching where ever you are, if you are not Indian, this is the message to you, behalf of all the Indian people, all my brown people don't get upset, I'm letting out our secret. Just to let you guys know. Indian people are fully aware of what their accent sounds like. We don't actually need you. We know exactly what it sounds like. We know it's not the coolest accent in the world, you know. You never going to see two Indian guys in a club, saying, "Hey man, aren't we cool. Don't we sound really hip. We are going to meet all the bitches tonight. I'm pimpin." We know what it sounds like, you know. And don't think for one minute that we don't know you guys are mocking us when we are not around. It's an accent. We are not death. Don't think when we walk into Home Depot and go, "Hello, I'm looking for paint."

"Yeah, it's right down that aisle over there."

"Hey Jim, did you hear that guy? He was looking for paint. Paint. Paiiiiint... Let's grab a cigarette and talk like this for half an hour. We know you are doing it -- you bastards. But any people know what their accent is good for and what is not good for. We know it's limitation. We know it's not good for getting laid. It's not going to help you. "Hello babe." Nothing is going to happen for you. You know what the Indian accent is good for... is cutting tension. You got a tense situation -- pop in the Indian accent. Tension's gone. Picture a serious court room drama.

"Your honor, my client... would like to plead guilty."