Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Jerry Seinfeld take on Airplanes with their little tiny details: directions, seat belts, and the snotty look

And then you get on the plane. The pilot, of course, has to always come on the P.A. system. This guy is so excited about being a pilot. He cannot even stand himself, "Well, I am going to take it up to about 20,000. And then I'm going to make a left by Pittsburgh. And then I'm gonna make a right by Chicago. And then I'm going to bring down 15,000." He gives you all this room and all his moves. We are in the back going, "Yeah, fine. That's all... You know. Do whatever hell you gotta do. You know.  It end up where we're going on the ticket, really."

Do I ever bother him on what I'm doing? Knocking on the cockpit door, "I'm having the peanuts now. Yeah, that's what we're doing back here. Thought I keep you posted. I'm not going to have em all now. I'm just gonna have a few. I don't want to finish it cause it's just a big bag."

Then the stewardess has to come out, and they have to do their little emergency equipment show, you know. That thing they do as the other one raise and acts it out, "Hey we have seat belts and oxygen mask. These are the things for you to use." They show you how to use the seat-belt. Just in case you have not been in a car since 1965. "Oh you lift up on the buckle? oh? I was trying to break the metal apart. I thought that's how it works. I was going to try to tear the fabric part of the belt. I thought if I get it started."

Then they always point out the emergency exit. It's always with that vague point. Isn't it? Where the hell would these places be? Planes in a 90 degree angle. Your hair is on fire, and you are looking for this. How do you think? She is thinking I'm getting out before you're getting out. You're dead. You're dead. I'm gone.

And then they always have to close that first class curtain too. And they always give you that little look, "Maybe if you were to work a little harder, I wouldn't have to do this."

It's all tiny world on an airplane. Isn't it. It's always that little tiny table there for the tiny computer, food, cramped seats, tiny utensils, tiny liquid bottles, tiny bathroom, tiny sink, tiny mirrors, tiny faucets. So the small problem will be a slight delay, "We will be a little late."

I always go in the airplane bathroom. Even if I don't have to go, I always go in there. It's nice. It's like your own apartment on the plane. Isn't it? Go in there lock the door. The lights come on after a couple of seconds. It's like a little surprise party.

But i know with the amount of equipment they have in that place... I mean it's a little, but they have tissue, towels, closets, compartments. There's a tiny slots for used razor blades. They always have that. Who is shaving on the plane? And shaving so much? They're using up razor blades. Is this what's happening? what is it? Is the wolf-man flying for crises sake? Who can shave that much?


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