Best stage comedians at their funniest with punchlines all typed out for your enjoyment to read from richard pryor to louis c.k. and upcoming comedians with Youtube videos (monologue script)
Friday, September 18, 2015
Drew Lynch Struggles During Date Life Giving Out Numbers on Americas Got Talent Finals
So I'm currently not sexually active because I'm saving myself -- some money. I would never be a good parent because I don't have conviction in my voice. I'd be like, "I'm going to count to 3."
"Oh good, we have time."
Numbers are so hard for me. When I first met my girlfriend, by the time I gave her my phone number, it was our aniversary. It's a nightmare. I was like, "okay, it's 818." She was like, "Is that one 8 or two 8s?"
"No there's no two. It's just 818."
She was like, "888."
"Three 8s? What am I? Customer service? It's area code, 818."
She was like, "I got two 8s, two 1s, one 8."
"That's a zipcode. I'm not telling you where I'm living. Just take down my email. It's d."
She's like, "I got two Ds?"
I'm like, "Ah, you're Cs."
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