Best stage comedians at their funniest with punchlines all typed out for your enjoyment to read from richard pryor to louis c.k. and upcoming comedians with Youtube videos (monologue script)
Wednesday, June 3, 2015
Jo Koy Loses his Keys While His Mom Makes Fun Of Joseph
When I lost something, I lost it. My mom will never help me find crap, right? Normal parents help their freakin kids, right? Normal parents help, right? "Okay, did you lose something? Your keys? Was it in here? What jeans? Were you wearing jeans? Well, let's look for those jeans." That's how you freaking help your kids find crap. Not my mom.
When I lost something, I guarantee my mom is right behind me messing with me. She enjoys that kind of stuff. If I'm looking under the coach, I guarantee my mom is right behind me, "Oh, what? what? What's under the coach? What's under the coach Joseph? Is it your keys? Did you lose your keys again? Oh, maybe they walked under the coach like that..." Now I gotta ask my mom for help. That's the worst mistake I can make.
"Mom, I'm late for work. Do you know where my keys are?"
"Joseph, did you just ask me where's your keys are? Isn't that a stupid question? That is a stupid question Joseph. Excuse me person that does not drive my car, do you know where my keys are? That is stupid Joseph. Why don't you ask me where's my keys are? I know the answer to that. Go ahead Joseph. Ask me. Come on. Ask me right now."
"Mom, do you know where your keys are?"
"Of course I do. Of course I do Joseph. I know where my keys are all the time. You know why Joseph? Because I put it in the same place like I always put my keys. I hang them over here on this wooden plaque. That says keys. Joseph, when you lose something, do you use your eyes to look for it or do you use your mouth? Because every time you lose something Joseph, you use your mouth to find something. You can't find anything like that Joseph. You just walking around, "Has anybody seen my keys? I don't know where my keys are." Open your eyes. Look for it.
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