Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Ebola Virus Check on Flight by Trevor Noah

Flying have been particular stressful for me in the recent month -- mostly because of the Ebola crisis. As a South African traveler, flying anywhere in the world has been extremely stressful because of the extra stringent measures that has been placed on us. Flying to America has been particularly worse: extra line, extra checks, and what they consider high risk Ebola region. Apparently is the whole continent. We were coughing on each other on one big hut.

I really don't really blame them. Look, the truth is much of American don't know much about South Africa. Well, they don't know Africa as a whole. Most of them, don't know much about anything. But still... It just weird cause you land in America. The questions that they would ask you at border control is so interesting. You get there, and a man would look at me. As soon as he sees that I'm from South Africa, he would be like, "Sir, South Africa, Have you been in contact with Ebola."

Like my answer would be, "Yes... Next stop. Disney World."

Would I still be traveling if I had been in contact most deadly diseases on the planet. What time of person do you think I am. "Oh, I paid for that trip. I'm going; even if it kills everybody." Like why would I do something like that. And the way they ask as well sound like Ebola was a distance relative of mine like a cousin. "Have you been in contact with Ebola."

"Yeah, I spoke to him last week. He's doing well. Thanks for asking."

It's just a strange world. It was honestly the worst trip that I have ever took. Because what happened... We flew in, so I was flying to Los Angeles. Because of that, we had to stop at Atlanta and change plane. And when we got off of our plane. We went off and got into another plane. And when we did, they made an announcement as we got onto the plane. They told other passengers that we were from the South African Plane. So they would be spraying the cabin for their safety. They say this as we walked on. The air host was like, "Ladies and gentlemen please note we got some passengers joining us from the south African flight. And due to the Ebola crisis right now. We are going to spray the cabin. It shouldn't be too harmful. You can cover your eyes and nose if you think it would harm you. It should be ok. We will be on our way shortly. Thank you very much."

We walked on to that. That's our introduction as we walked on the plane. I was walking, "Hello." It was like a scene from Forest Gump. Everyone was like, "Can't sit here." It was honestly the worst flight I have ever taken in my life. It was so tense.

I coughed once. The plane shook. There this one guy that couldn't even hold his. I couldn't even hold it any longer. He was like Ebola. Calm down. Calm down. It's just Aids. You are safe for now.

The stress. Everybody. We landed. Finally. Los Angeles. Still we had to disembark. The air host came back to make another announcement, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please stay in your seats. Before we disembark the plane, we have to do a quick safety procedure for checking out. Just to make sure everything is up to standard. We should be on our way shortly. Thank you very much."

So we had to sit there. The safety official came aboard on the plane. His job was to go around and scan each passenger; make sure everybody was healthy. He had a laser thermometer. He had to go to each African and pointed at our heads. And they way it works is if you are very hot, then you got Ebola. That's what I think how it works. He came down to my row. Walked all the way to me. Scan the people around me. Saw me. Just shook his head. Then walked away. Almost like I was not African enough. A few rows later he was short one name on the list, which was mine. So he called the air host over. There is this commotion, and it's growing. It's growing and growing. And now I think they are talking about me. But I won't be the guy, "Excuse me, I am the... the Ebola threat." I'm not going to say that.

So I'm just listening. The commotion is growing. The whole plane start listening. And at it's height, there was a man, three down rows behind us, middle eastern decent. He had a big beard. I would never forget this. He leaned in into the conversation with no hint of irony. He just leaned in, "Excuse me, pardon me. You probably want to check that gentlemen over there. Something suspicious about him. I notice him coughing."

I was like really?! Ach too Admin. How the wheel has turned my friend. You forget the time when the Muslim was the black people of the skies. Now you have turned on me. I thought he would be on my side.

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