Thursday, August 14, 2014

Robin Williams Impression of Scotsman Inventing Golf in a Drunk Bar Whacking Away with A Stroke


If you want a linguistic adventure, go drink with a Scotsman. Cause you can't understand him before. You land in Scotland,  "Dude la in way. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. begin yeah. Fuk yah born la bored. Lick la luck in yeah. Sure. Fook yah. Sure eh? Creeks luck on the floor butt yeah eh. Oh sure. You dumb fookin bastards. You realize i'm here."

And then you realize how drunk they get. They wear a skirt, and not care. And all they can invent is a sport like golf, "Here's my idea for fookin sport. I knock a ball in a golfer hole."

"Oh you mean like pool?"

"Fuk off pool. Not with a straight stick, but with a fuk up stick. I whack uh ball, and goes in a golfer hole."

"Oh you mean like cricket?"

"Fuk cricket. I put the hole hundreds a yards away. Oh fukin yeah. It's great fun eh."

"Oh like a bowling thing?"

"Oh Fuk nooooo! Not thing? I put shit in a way like trees and bushes and high grass, so you can lose your fukin ball. Then go whacking away with giant iron. Whacking away with each time you miss like you are about to have a stroke. Fuk! That's what we'll call it. A stroke. cause Every time you miss, you feel like you going to fukin die. Oh fukin! This going to be brilliant. Straight at the end, I'm going to put a flat piece with a little flag - to give you fukin hope. But then I put a pool and a sand box to fuk with you balls again. I'll be there trashing your ass, jerking away in the sand."

"And we do this one time?"

"Fuk no! 18 fukin times."

Then we have a sport. We can dress like a pimp, and no one will care. Where you can wear clothes where a blind gay man will go, "Oh dear crises. Those are loud. This is no carnival.
 What the fuk are you on?"

Even the alligators are going, "Ass hole."

It's just an athletic, exciting sports too. I hit the ball. I get in the cart. I hit the ball. I get in the cart.

And the commentary are electrifying, "on the green. can people be quiet? I would like to hear the grass grow."

I want the guy that does Mexican soccer to do golf one time, "The ball going. The ball is going... Hoooooooooooooooooooole. Oh lay!"

Just to see all those motha fukers go, "Oh dear crises. Oh my. Oh shit."

They were the king. That  was their dominance until Tiger. Son of a black man and son of a Thai woman. Not even a German genetics can think of that one up. Black athletics ability, Buddhist concentration. Chi-Thai.

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