Best stage comedians at their funniest with punchlines all typed out for your enjoyment to read from richard pryor to louis c.k. and upcoming comedians with Youtube videos (monologue script)
Tuesday, April 19, 2016
NBA Detroit Piston and Indiana Pacers Brawl Fight versus the Fans by Bill Burr
I had a wierd experience when I came down here. It was in Nashville, right. It was a sort of awkward social situation, right. I was sitting in this bar. There was this white dude sitting 2 stools away. I don't know him. He doesn't know me.
And that Latrell Owen story was in the sports news. I tried to make conversation. "Hey, look at this guy. This guy just signed a 40 million dollar contract. He is already complaining. How much money do you need to make?" And the dude looks at me, "You know what i say?" Then he looked over his shoulder, which I now know is the tale tale sign that the N word is coming. And it's coming hard.
Oh yeah, it's not going to be pronounced with the A. It's going to be with the R. And he hit the R - like he stuck the landing. It was like a dismount. Clan members high fiving in the background. Like doing the wave. Just out of nowhere.
Now, immediately, I'm looking over my shoulder. Like dude, "What the hell you doing?" You know what I mean. I'm just waiting for this hail of black fist, coming, raining down on top of me. I hate when people do stuff like that. That dude made me a part of a potential butt kicking that I have nothing to do with. You don't do crap like that. You just have that word. Hot potato. He just threw it on my lap. "Aye." Try to pass it down to the next white dude.
I hate when people do that. It's like dude. Feel me out first. Ask some basic questions. Do you like to fish? Have you ever kissed your sister, right? I start rattling off answers. Then you go old school. You give me a pamphlet. You don't just dive right into it.
I like violence man, not when it happens to me or I see it live. I like watching it on tv, seeing people attack by animals. Just get blasted in the face or something. I'm a huge sports fan. My favorite moment of last year was Detroit pistons and Indianan pacers brawl. Wasn't that great? That was one of the greatest thing I have ever seen. I was so confused when I watched ESPN when they say, "that was absolutely disgraceful... basketball fans. .. "
I'm a basketball fan. I loved it. I thoroughly enjoyed to see an out of shape civilian the crap kicked out of him by professional athletes. It was fascinating. I think as sports fans. We kind of had it coming. How many times do you go to a game, right? You get a little to drunk. You start to scream at some dude on the field who can clearly kick the crap out of you, right. You saw him in the parking lot. You be like, "Hey can you sign my stamp collection? I think you are awesome." You get in the game. "You suck. YOu are a piece of crap." And then they always calling them up. "come on up here. naw, come on up here. " Well, they came up there. They did. They kick the crap out of everybody. It was great. It was like a cartoon.
They beat up whole rows of people at once. I love every second. I love how Ron artest punched the wrong guy. wasn't that great? He taught that dude a valuable lesson in life. When crap goes down, you just don't stand there like you are watching a movie. "wow, it's coming right at me. Must be in 3d or something." He is an idiot. "Well, I still have my cup intact. It's totally not me." He's an idiot. Pow pow.
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