Friday, May 30, 2014

Ron Funches Belongs in Oregon, and Loves the Muppet Babbies



My name is Ron Funches. I'm originally from the south side of Chicago, Illinois. Thank you. It deserves respect. Chicago is a rough place to grow up in. Especially if you are the only brother around the block that's bumpin Alanis Morissette. If you all want to know, I moved to Oregon, and I love it here. It reminds of Chicago with subtle differences. In Chicago, it was like, "oh snap, it's a crack head," Or "Oh snaps, it's a gang member." In Oregon, it has been, "oh snap? the blackberry season. It's a delicious situation I'm in.

Very happy that I left Chicago. I feel that I have never left I would have never tried some things that I would love and enjoy like ice coffee or white women. Those are both good. I'm just kidding. Coffee is gross. Every time I drink some, I get really sick, which leads me to believe I maybe allergic to energy, which I later found out it's not something you can put on a medical marijuana application. That's ridiculous. Marijuana has so many uses. when i have it, i write pretty much awesome jokes. When I run out, I still write pretty awesome poetry. I'm gonna share one with you guys, "I don't need new friends." That one is called just my thoughts.

Cause there's always one that tries to make me feel bad about what you enjoy. I call these people my parents-in-law. We have a weird relationship. I kind of treat them like a Walmart, which I'll explain. It means I really don't like going to them for anything. I prefer it that they stay out of my town, but I get a strange satisfaction from stealing from them. Glad that I'm not alone on that one. Mostly we don't get along cause they don't think I can smoke pot anymore now that I have a child. That I should be more responsible. I don't believe those things relate. In fact, I believe if we are going to sit around, watching cartoon, all day anyways. My son does not like the cartoon that I enjoy. We have to watch his.

I want to watch my favorite, like the Muppet Babies. Some people don't know the Muppet Babies. Everybody knows the Muppet. They did it, and have babies.  The babies were given a show, and it's a little weird. You can tell by the theme song. It starts off beautiful. It's just, "Muppet Babies will make our dreams come true. Bop doo wop doo. Muppet babies will do the same for you." And that part is beautiful. There were dreams coming true for everybody. But then it takes a turn. The next verse is, "If your room looks kind of weird and you wish you weren't there, then close your eyes, and make a believe. You can be anywhere. Oooo oooo." And that's pretty f*cked up. And I told my son, "If your room looks kind of wired and you wish you weren't there, do not make believe. Call the cops." They have made an error of some kind.

Perhaps I should get a real job, but they are so difficult to get. I don't currently have a good job hunting look I believe. You guys kindheartedly agreed. I have a useful look. I found out I have a look that makes a homeless go, "Can I have a... oh never mind."

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