Mitch Fatel's Stand up talks about Sex and Breast

Small breast are like, "Hi! Can I help you with something?" I'm like, "No. I am just looking." I don't even know why I like breast. They don't even do anything. They just bounce up and down, and it makes me happy. I can be very sad. And I see breast, and I'm like (me bouncing). I get happy. Thanks I am very funny.

I like girls who are easy. They are so much fun. They make the dates so fun. Some girls make you wait before they have sex with you. What's that about? I met with this girl, "I like to wait 6 months before I have sex with a guy." I was like, "I really, really respect that. Okay, I guess I'll see you in six months. Do you just email me? How does that work? I want to make sure I block off that date. Just in case I am planning a vacation."

I'm very fertile. I got a girl pregnant once. She called me up, and she was like, "I think I am pregnant." I was like, "The number you have reached..." Because babies are expensive, and they eat your food.

It's hard to get a girl pregnant. Do you know girls can only get pregnant 2 days out of every month. Only 2 days. And only 1 day is the main day. The second day they are already pulling down the gate and closing up. The tricky sperm can be like, "I just want to talk to the egg. I'll be out in one minute. I just one to see if my friends are in there." Thanks, I am very funny.

I would make such a great boyfriend for some ladies out there because I'm whipped. I do everything I am told, and never complain when I get sent out to get something. That's how you know you are a boyfriend when your whole life just becomes getting sent out on errands. And you look forward to it because you get to see other guys at the store. You walking around, and you're like, "Sam what are sent out for? Let me see your note. Oh, I needs pad too. Let's walk together."