British Financial Crisis by Daliso Chaponda (Best Comedian)

Well I’m at that age now.  All my friends are getting married.  Married people forget how hard it is being single. They love to call me and complain about their couple problems. 

I always get, “you are so lucky being single. I get home. My wife starts nag, nag.”

I’m like, “Hey, I have nag myself.”  I get home. I’m like, “What time I call this. Why don’t I ever do the dishes.” Sometime, I don’t appreciate myself.

I have not always been a comedian. I did some weird jobs. I used to clean houses. I admit. I was attempted to steal. I didn’t steal cause the Bible says, “Thou shall not steal.” But nowhere did it say, “Thou shall not swap.” I took the stereo, and left a walkman. I took a plasma screen, and left an etch sketch. 

As I mention, I am from Africa. I move here 10 years ago.  Immediately I moved here… I hear a lot of British people talking about the financial crisis, The recession. I’m from Africa. What are you maniacs talking about. You call that a crisis?!?! If that’s a crisis, where’s UNICEF? Where is Bono? I have not seen one, “Save the UK concert.” You can tell me, “It’s a financial crisis,” when there’s plane, flying over Berbingham, tossing fish and chips out the window. It would be a financial crisis when there’s Ads on television saying, “This child has to walk 5 miles a day, to get a bottle of WKD Blue. “ And 100 percent, you have gotten a financial crisis when India starts to open call centers here. Can you imagine some poor guy in Mumbai calls