Eddie Izzard on Computers, Macs, and iTunes

Very sexy computer, Apple Macintosh Computers. In the old days, porn would take forever to download. You remember that. Friends tell me. Friends who can spell porn.

But now a days. Would you like a software update. Yeah. Yeah. I have one of those. It's like a late thing.

Time becomes a weird thing. 7 minutes to download. 5 minutes to download. 2 minutes to download. Then 9 minutes to download. 7 hours to download. light year to download.

Then it starts asking you question. Will you sign a new agreement with itunes. I sign many agreements with itune. I don't know what they want from any more. Surely they know i agree with them. I'm there. Why do they keep checking? Like I am going away. No I no longer agree. We all agree.

Then they makes us liars. You said you read the terms and condition. No one read the terms and condition. Even the lawyers.

Then you have to reboot thing. Everybody out of the car. Then everybody back in the car.

Kevin Hart talks about 2 kids being like clowns

Lot of shit is going on with my life right now. Just had another baby, 2 babies. They both mine, and I can't say shit about it either. Two kids. Two car seats. That's depressing right there. Have you ever try talking to a girl in your car? It won't happen. It's depressing.

"Come here babe."

"what's that in the back of your car?"

"Hey, look at me. Let's focus on the positive, and less on the negative. I'm trying to talk to you about serious stuff now."

Kids man. Kids change your life. I know I am getting older cause of the kids. I start to fuss alot. I don't know what I'm mad about. You wake up mad. Wake up angry.

"Hey. Here's the biz."

I just yell at my son just because.

"Hold your head still son."

That shit is so embarrassing.

I get mad. So mad. That you want to fight your kid. Kids are ass holes. My daughter is an asshole. She is. She argues about everything.

I knew what she was saying by her head moving.

I'm really protective with my baby now. We got a little altercation. My daughter thought it was a game. Throw the ball back.

My family looks bad as a unit. We look like clowns. Now we have to wear solid colors, so we can look like a team. Solid colors.