Best stage comedians at their funniest with punchlines all typed out for your enjoyment to read from richard pryor to louis c.k. and upcoming comedians with Youtube videos (monologue script)
I know it's all warm out. Do you like the summer? You like the humidity when your ass is wet for 3 hours? Do you like that? Your ass is dripping? You need a diaper. Do you like that? Your underwear goes right up your ass. Does that feels good?
Don't hate it, waiting for the train, and it's 2000 degrees? Your underwear goes right up your ass, and your like, "darn it. And how do i guess this out of my butt. I'll just act like I'm looking for change. Where's that quarter I'm looking for?"
Pasadena: 138 degrees during the day, and 36 at night. A pimp don't know what to wear. I got some fur coat, swim trunks, and an umbrella because I don't know what may happen...
I am just hear to remind all minorities. Whatever is going on the world today. You got to be happy by whatever you got in life right now. That's my message because the world is crazy right now. What is gas? 600 dollars per gallon now?
You are not suppose to be at the gas station making life decision. With 10, 15 dollars, you can go to the gas station with confidence, and have time to bond with your vehicle: clean the dashboard, check your CDs, and go inside to buy some Pringles. Now the whole experience is ruined.
I live in hollywood now. I am finding everthing is real, and it ain't even real. I met DMX. The fool is 2 inches taller than me. I thought he was six feet, but he is my size. I said, "Fool, why are you hollering. We in a restaurant."
I just find out I can't be friends with Shaq. How can I congrats on his game. When he has thing on my forehead. I don't even like basketball.
Then you get rich friend. Martin Lawrence is my friend. He has a 36 million dollar house. You can do anything with a 36 million dollar house. He has everything: he got a theather, basketball court, a bouncy area.
Now I am in my house, feeling all ungrateful. Where am I going to watch a movie? On a TV?!
There are two type of weeds: rookie and professional. It's me and snoop and two brothers. These fool has sniff 4 blunts.
